rhea_windrider (rhea_windrider) wrote,

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So I tried to tell Duncan that his using the word dumb ass bothered me.  To put it in context, I had managed to slice my thumb Sunday accidently while cutting chicken for dinner.  I was tired and not feeling good that day so I doubt it was more than inattention.  It came up in conversation during lunch on the phone.  His basic premise was that it was stupidity that caused me to slice my finger and he used dumb ass so I told him the phrase bothered me and I really would like him not to use it anymore.  Wasn't yelling or snapping, just asking.  He hung up and his later response via message was this:

when you change your language and behavior to my dictates, I'll follow yours.

This was continued by message after message between us.  He says that I make everything about me, and say everything is his fault, even when I didn't blame him at all beyond asking him not to use that phrase.  He went off into this tirade of how I never listen to him and don't care about what he thinks, how he can't tell me he's frustrated.  He actually said at one point that I made every fight all about me. 

I'm confused and more to the point, I really don't know where he gets all this.  And at this point it feels like I can't even tell him if something bothers me because somehow that offends him.  And I don't know how to get out of the cycle because this happens every time we fight.  He also doesn't like to talk about it.  I came home and we had no conversation.  I told him I would listen if he wanted to talk and he ignored me for the most part the rest of the night except when we needed to exchange words.

Sorry for venting this here.  Anyplace else he would see it and it would make the fight worse because then I am sniping behind his back and/or airing our dirty laundry in public.  Maybe someone who sees this has some ideas?


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